Helping myself (and my patients) to grow: Treatment vs. Evaluation

I often set expectations for myself and fail to meet them:

~I want to wake up earlier.  But I continue to go to bed late.  

~I want to pray more.  But I fill my life with more and more distractions.

Of course I am not making changes if all I ever do is “check in” with myself, evaluating and re-evaluating without providing solutions.  

This reflection is *not* about self-optimization.  It’s about growth and self-acceptance.  It's difficult to grow as a person without lots of reminders, or a structured organized foundation for change.  If I “fail” to change, there is no need to shame myself—that’s just a sign that something isn’t working yet. 

As usual, I need to learn from my patients.

During therapy sessions, I track my patients’ progress.  But I can’t just test them over and over again without offering solutions.  My job is to provide my patients (and their families) with strategies they can use beyond our therapy sessions.  I must give them a structured foundation to build on in order to achieve progress.  

~If they have a goal to improve their memory, I had better be offering them memory strategies.  Merely testing their memory over and over again won’t make a difference.  

~If they have a goal to improve their vocabulary to an age-appropriate level, I should be teaching them new words and training their family to do the same.  Merely taking language samples over and over again won't help.

My patients' (and their families') job is to give me feedback about which strategies are working and which aren’t.  We continue to develop the strategies that work for them so they can take ownership and use those strategies in their daily lives. 

I can do the same with myself:

~If I want to wake earlier, I can set an alarm to remind me to go to sleep earlier.

~If I want to pray more, I can reduce the distractions in my life (such as driving with the radio off, or scheduling time to pray in adoration).

Not all strategies work for everyone, so I need to allow myself some wiggle room to try new ways of growing.  Just like my patients, I need strategies to retrain my brain.  If I can’t think of a good strategy, that’s when it’s time to ask for advice from others:  trusted friends, family members, counselors/therapists, spiritual directors. 

It’s easy to get down on myself for “failing” to grow as a person or to change a routine.  But I would like to redefine "failure" for myself:  

“Failure” is just the brain communicating that something isn’t working and we need to tweak our strategies. 

The next time I “fail” to make a change, I will aim to be more gentle with myself.  If at first I don’t succeed, I will try something new.  And if that doesn’t work, I’ll keep trying new things until I find what does.

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PS:  Beware the Ides of March!