“This is stupid. YOU
are stupid!”
“You are the problem with the entire medical system in
this nation.”
“I won’t be doing any therapy today, so don’t waste your
time.”
“I hate you!”
Rehab is hard work.
Just when the body’s natural desire is to rest, patients are asked to
participate in several hours of therapy a day—to take advantage of the
spontaneous recovery of brain and body to retrain them in a positive way. It’s hard!
And it’s frustrating.
Many patients are used to doing things on their own, and now they are
asked to take annoying precautions like calling for help to get up (to prevent
future falls), or swallowing one little sip at a time (instead of choking or
aspirating).
A lot of patients feel deep resentment toward their new situation. And it’s completely understandable! They didn’t ask to suddenly acquire physical
and/or cognitive disabilities. They
certainly didn’t ask to experience swallowing trouble.
Sometimes, patients take their anger out on whoever happens
to be nearby, especially those responsible for temporary moments of
suffering. Nurses administering shots
and medications. Therapists asking them
to do exercises and confront their new disabilities face-to-face. Family members and friends who encourage them
not to give up—when giving up sounds so much easier.
Their anger isn’t really toward the nurses, or the
therapists, or their loved ones, no matter what they say. Their anger is really at their new
situation. Nurses, therapists, and loved
ones just happen to be “in the wrong place at the wrong time” to receive the
brunt of the anger.
I can think of some people who have supported me through
tough times and received the brunt of my anger and resentment—whether to their
face or otherwise. I’m thinking of some
teachers and professors who gave me tough love when I was learning how to
navigate academic life. And some
supervisors who gave me real advice when I was learning how to be an
independent clinician. And my siblings,
who accompanied me in the journey of growing up. And of course my mom and dad, who have guided
me through all my years—toddler, elementary, puberty, and young adult life—a very
scary journey.
Who in your life has received the brunt of your situational
anger?
Let’s take some time to thank those who have been there for
us, especially those we did not show much appreciation for.
And when others lash out at us, let’s remember that
sometimes, they’re mad at something bigger than us.
And when we feel like lashing out, let’s pause and choose the kindest words we can find.
***
PS, a brief housekeeping announcement: the automatic email service offered by blogger is changing and/or ending in July of this year. I'm still working on figuring out an alternative. But I still plan to update on the 15th of every month, so if you don't get an email July 15, check out the website for the post!
