(Letting go of our to-do lists and living in the moment in 2020)
I’m a huge fan of plans and to-do lists. I love seeing everything I have to do laid out before me with cute little boxes I can check off.
But here's a common narrative in my life:
I’m great at making plans. But what about when more urgent things come up?
Maybe it’s time we step back and listen to what is needed in the moment. When we listen to others and ourselves, we get done what actually needs to get done, even if it wasn’t in our plans.
One memorable session, I had an entire hour of therapy planned. But the patient announced that they had soiled their briefs and bed linens and needed to change. About twenty-five minutes later, the patient had cleaned themself* (with some help), the brief was changed, the bed linens removed, clothes changed, and the patient was seated in the wheelchair. What great sequencing! I thought to myself. What a great cognitive workout for them! And now we can work on my therapy plan.
And then the patient looked at me seriously, nodded, and announced that they needed to use the restroom again.
By the time all was finished, there were fifteen minutes left in the session to cover a few items in my Therapy Plan.
What I thought the patient needed was different than what the patient had actually needed in the moment.
How often am I biased by what I think needs to happen, when I am actually being asked to do something entirely different?
I remember when I was studying abroad overseas, I encountered a lot of volunteers and NGOs doing charity work. I was (am) no expert, but I did notice a pattern: the projects that were the most successful were the ones that involved the locals in the entire process, including deciding what their needs were in the first place.
I am reminded also of a sermon from years ago. I don’t even remember who gave the sermon, but it was about a priest who was sometimes late for Mass. Why? Because if, on his way to Mass, he encountered someone asking for his help, he dropped everything to help that person. He figured, this must be God asking him to do something more important. And who was he to deny the requests of his Creator?
This year has been a wakeup call in so many ways. We are being asked to put our own priorities aside to protect and support others and ourselves in new and different ways. We are asked to set aside many of our social habits and planned events, to make economic sacrifices, and to wear uncomfortable masks in public in order to defend and protect those with underlying health conditions and immune compromise--and those who do not have the luxury of working from home. We are asked to set aside our pride in order to listen to and support our Black brothers and sisters. (Speaking of which, I’d love some help figuring out which adjective is the most supportive. African American? Black? POC?) We are finding out that even if we have long to-do lists, our mental/physical health may have to take priority sometimes.
This hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve gone through this year kind of kicking and screaming. I’m not a fan of constantly changing plans.
But maybe I’m being asked to set aside my to-do list and focus on more immediate priorities. Like cleaning up some poo (either literal or metaphorical). Or allowing myself to rest and heal. Or allowing someone else to speak while I just listen.
Friends, I hope and pray that we will all have the strength and the courage to set aside our to-do lists in favor of the more immediate needs of ourselves and others.
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*English speakers have used “they/their/themself/themselves” for a long time as a singular gender-neutral pronoun. Let’s be descriptivists instead of prescriptivists :)
