As a speech therapist, I am sometimes tempted to focus only
on improving my patients’ deficits.
After all, isn’t that what rehabilitation is about? Fixing “broken” communication, “broken”
cognition, a “broken” swallow?
This happens with writing too. Growing up, I always thought that the best
way to help a friend to better their story/poem/essay was to bleed red ink all
over the page, pointing out what doesn’t work so they can fix it.
And don’t we all do this to ourselves sometimes? Pull out the red pen, evaluate our
shortcomings and limitations, focus on the "bad parts of ourselves" so we can become better, kinder,
more efficient?
What if it’s just as important—maybe even more important sometimes—to acknowledge and nurture our talents and resiliencies? Of course we must acknowledge our mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses. But what if shift our language—what if we call them "challenges" instead—calls to action instead of traits we're stuck with? Maybe we have the ability to overcome these challenges—or find a workaround or at least make some progress—by relying heavily on our STRENGTHS.
When I evaluate a patient’s language, thinking, and swallowing
skills, I am sure to discuss their troubles with them. But now I’m making a conscious effort to also
tell them and their families about what they do really well too! Maybe their memory isn’t working the way they
want it to (a challenge), but they’re awesome at paying attention, which is
going to help them to use their memory strategies. Maybe they can’t swallow water well right now
(a challenge), but they have a strong cough so we can work with that! Maybe they have trouble focusing (a
challenge), but by golly they are motivated and have a positive attitude. Maybe they have a LOT of challenges, but
their support system is working for their good.
Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor, authors of the Welcome to
Night Vale podcast and various spinoff novels and podcasts, emphasized once
that in writing, a more motivating and helpful way to critique someone’s work
is to point out what is working really well so they can bring out more of those
aspects in their work.
Maybe this could work on a societal level. When we encounter a negative societal behavior, like racism or sexism or selfishness or unwilling-to-listen-ness, first we must of course acknowledge the problem. This takes work. And obviously, merely acknowledging the problem is not enough—we must face it and work to overcome it. So what's the next step?
To face these problems, we can draw on our collective compassion and kindness as a society to work to overcome those obstacles. By exploring and utilizing our positivities, we can fight our societal problems. Will we ever truly overcome a societal weakness? Probably not entirely, but a positive human trait I believe in strongly is perseverance.
This is something that I find so encouraging about the Black Lives Matter movement—I'm hearing a lot of rhetoric that readily acknowledges that we are going to make mistakes. Everyone does. It's uncomfortable to learn that we've made mistakes, but the emphasis is on apologizing and learning how to use our humility and kindness to do better. Learning about our mistakes and weaknesses is not about shaming us—and it never was. It's about creating positive change. For a really genuine and heartfelt conversation about this, I recommend listening to Brené Brown's conversation with Austin Channing Brown on the podcast Unlocking Us.
I’d like to apply this principle to my own life, and I invite you all to as well. I make TONS of mistakes—maybe even in this post you have found some mistakes. It's easy for me to dwell on them without moving forward.
So here is my resolution: when I recognize or am told that I’m behaving impatient or interrupty or selfish or racist or small minded or making silly mistakes or being ignorant, I’d like to label my predisposition toward a “less than ideal” or even just plain "bad" behavior as a CHALLENGE rather than a failure of character. This way, I can be motivated to change my behaviors in the future. If I don’t identify with my undesirable behaviors but instead see them as obstacles to overcome, I give them less power. I’ll probably never be perfect at facing any obstacle. But I can keep trying.
And how do I face these challenges? By using my virtues and resiliencies to face the
obstacle. I strongly believe that all of
these strengths come from God. And He
is bigger and stronger than any obstacle or challenge I could ever encounter.
