In the United States, our small talk is very direct. After asking someone’s name and maybe where
they are from, the next question is usually, “What do you do?”
In a culture that defines a person’s worth by their productivity, it can
feel very vulnerable to say you don't have a 9-5 job. This subject can feel especially raw for
people with newly acquired disabilities that precipitated a career change or an
early retirement.
Even for the traditionally employed, this question
can be daunting. Brené Brown, who researches the human condition, wrote about this in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Most of
us have complicated answers to this question.
For example, I’m a mom, partner, researcher, writer, storyteller,
sister, friend, daughter, and teacher.
All of these things make up who I am, so I never know how to answer that
question” (page 114). While the roles I
fill are different than hers, I can still think of a long list of words to describe myself, most of which aren’t
career related.
No matter our state of life, the question “What do you
do?” can tempt us to oversimplify our self-worth. To this predicament, I offer three solutions
to help us begin to value ourselves differently.
