On anger

 

“I heard what you recommend, and I want you to know I’m not doing any of that.  Ever.”

“This is stupid.  YOU are stupid!”

“You are the problem with the entire medical system in this nation.”

“I won’t be doing any therapy today, so don’t waste your time.”

“I hate you!”

 

Rehab is hard work.  Just when the body’s natural desire is to rest, patients are asked to participate in several hours of therapy a day—to take advantage of the spontaneous recovery of brain and body to retrain them in a positive way.  It’s hard! 

 

And it’s frustrating.  Many patients are used to doing things on their own, and now they are asked to take annoying precautions like calling for help to get up (to prevent future falls), or swallowing one little sip at a time (instead of choking or aspirating).

 

A lot of patients feel deep resentment toward their new situation.  And it’s completely understandable!  They didn’t ask to suddenly acquire physical and/or cognitive disabilities.  They certainly didn’t ask to experience swallowing trouble. 

 

Sometimes, patients take their anger out on whoever happens to be nearby, especially those responsible for temporary moments of suffering.  Nurses administering shots and medications.  Therapists asking them to do exercises and confront their new disabilities face-to-face.  Family members and friends who encourage them not to give up—when giving up sounds so much easier.

 

Their anger isn’t really toward the nurses, or the therapists, or their loved ones, no matter what they say.  Their anger is really at their new situation.  Nurses, therapists, and loved ones just happen to be “in the wrong place at the wrong time” to receive the brunt of the anger.

 

I can think of some people who have supported me through tough times and received the brunt of my anger and resentment—whether to their face or otherwise.  I’m thinking of some teachers and professors who gave me tough love when I was learning how to navigate academic life.  And some supervisors who gave me real advice when I was learning how to be an independent clinician.  And my siblings, who accompanied me in the journey of growing up.  And of course my mom and dad, who have guided me through all my years—toddler, elementary, puberty, and young adult life—a very scary journey.

 

Who in your life has received the brunt of your situational anger?

 

Let’s take some time to thank those who have been there for us, especially those we did not show much appreciation for.

 

And when others lash out at us, let’s remember that sometimes, they’re mad at something bigger than us.

 

And when we feel like lashing out, let’s pause and choose the kindest words we can find.

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PS, a brief housekeeping announcement:  the automatic email service offered by blogger is changing and/or ending in July of this year.  I'm still working on figuring out an alternative.  But I still plan to update on the 15th of every month, so if you don't get an email July 15, check out the website for the post!